We tried the candies first. Tooth breakers! Opt for the kits with good candy!
Well, I have been home for an entire week now enjoying family time with the kids and my momma.
To be true, was not sure how so much family togetherness time would all shake out.
Thanks to my minimal Christmas commitment, I had most of the shopping done. No school and cold weather were keeping us all inside with a herd of dogs. Mom’s cocker spaniel May is from hell, and that dog’s unbelievable separation anxiety keeps us from getting to leave the house for very long. We have colored and Play-doughed our fingers off. We’ve Scooby Doo’d until our ears bled. We even made a gingerbread house! My thoughts on that are as follows: someone should invent a better house, Lincoln Log-style with fitted notches; you need two bags of glue-like icing; and you should really spring for the kit with the good candy!
Monday we spent the morning cleaning house while Mom ventured out to the grocery. She stayed too long and May christened the carpet in a huge, stinky, wet way. Spot Bot to the rescue! Had to sanitize the kid’s bathroom next after an unfortunate food poisoning incident. Only got one cup of coffee before the children demanded water and crusts of bread. By 4 p.m. I had busted out the Bloody Mary fixins to get my veggie intake up when Mom asked me if I was feeling frazzled yet.
I was trying to write my column, look up a salmon recipe and talk to her at the same time. As I watched my kids tear through the kitchen beating on pots and pans and screeching like banshees, I listened to the symphony playing in my house. The whrre-whrre-whrre of the water-saver washing machine, the roar of the dryer, the lilting Dora Dora Dora the explorer theme song and the ever constant wuff-wuff-wuff-she-makes-me-want-to-feed-her-raisins barking of that cocker, I thought, yep, maybe just a little frazzled. Like my own little Family Circus cartoon of noise.
So we made up a song to sing to the Hubs to get back into the Christmas spirit. Feel free to hum along — you all know the tune.
On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the third day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, six Disney princess movies, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, seven gallons of low-fat milk, six Disney princess movies, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, eight pounds of pork to pull, seven gallons of low-fat milk, six Disney princess movies, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me, nine lovely stockings to hang, eight pounds of pork to pull, seven gallons of low-fat milk, six Disney princess movies, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 10 beautiful cards from friends, nine lovely stockings to hang, eight pounds of pork to pull, seven gallons of low-fat milk, six Disney princess movies, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 11 last-minute gifts to buy, 10 beautiful cards from friends, nine lovely stockings to hang, eight pounds of pork to pull, seven gallons of low-fat milk, six Disney princess movies, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, 12 wonderful years of love, 11 last-minute gifts to buy, 10 beautiful cards from friends, nine lovely stockings to hang, eight pounds of pork to pull, seven gallons of low-fat milk, six Disney princess movies, five toilets, sinks and tubs to bleach, four little dogs to feed, three X-Box Lego games, two newspaper deadlines and a mother-in-law with a bad knee.